Table of Contents
One of people’s biggest gripes in life is when those who surround them don’t live up to their expectations. But is that fair? Not really, no. This is especially true if these expectations are not properly being communicated or are unreasonable. This sets us up for unwarranted disappointment and even suffering.
There are many things that should not be expected from others, particularly if we don’t do them ourselves. Here we’ll go over some key points that you shouldn’t expect and project onto those in your life that will affect you positively when you stop. You can do this!
- Judge You
Not everyone is judging you! This includes what you say or do, especially people who don’t know you and aren’t engaging with you. And, if they are judging you, this should not affect your whole day or consume your life. However, more often than not, we are projecting negative thoughts or insecurities we have about ourselves and assuming these are the thoughts others have of us.
- Provide You With Happiness
You may not realize it, but sometimes you become disappointed in your partner or your close friends for not filling a void in you. Others are not there to complete you and make YOU happy. Friends and family enhance and uplift you, but they are not there to make you whole. True joy comes from within, a place inside of you that is happy to have what they have to offer while at the same time seeking to learn and grow as a person.
- Do What You Think is Right and Expect Perfection
Sure, some decisions are always right or always wrong, but not everything is black and white! Setting those around you up to live by your standards is the simplest way to cause yourself undue frustration, disappointment, and even heartbreak.
If you want something done a certain way or something to be done for you, it needs to be asked for explicitly. It’s unfair to be upset with someone when it isn’t done your way if they weren’t told what to do or how to do it. No one is perfect, including you, and there’s not always one way to do things.
- See Eye To Eye With You
Contrary to what you might think, you’re not always right. We’re going to say that again: you’re not always right! It’s okay to say what you have to say and give your opinion on a topic, but unless the topic is based on scientific fact not everyone has to agree with you. Just because you do something a certain way or have certain beliefs does not mean the people in your life need to agree with you.
It’s okay to have differing opinions, and it should not make or break your relationship and cause a rift. It is important to have an open mind and be receptive to what others have to say. And, it’s also okay to walk away from people who have opinions that are destructive and harmful to your health.
- Understand You and Be Mind Readers
When you don’t communicate properly, or at all for that matter, you can’t expect others to just know because no one is a mind reader. While you may give off cues that you think are explicit, when you don’t use your words, you are NOT being straightforward. Just because you know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking does not mean that those around you live in your head and know your every thought.
Expecting your family, friends, or significant other to understand you inside and out when you aren’t sharing these thoughts is a sure-fire way to start conflict when you inevitably feel disappointed in them.
- Fix Your Problems And Challenges For You
The people in your life aren’t there to make life easier for you when the going gets rough. They are not there to fix your problems and make them go away. Putting this pressure on your loved ones is only going to increase your stress level and damage your relationships. Sure, they can support you and even help guide you, but they are not always going to just fix things.
- To Motivate You
Whether you’re trying to complete personal or professional goals it can sometimes be hard to stay motivated to do what you need to do. There are courses of action we can take to get out of our own way, but relying on others to make things happen for us isn’t the answer. Your significant other, friends, or parents can certainly support you and give you words of advice, but you and only you can truly find the motivation to get things done.
- Always Have Their Act Together
People go through ups and downs and highs and lows, including you. We should never put pressure on those around us, including subordinates, to always have it together. No one is perfect, and life throws curveballs at all of us.
It’s completely irrational for any of us to expect others to always be at 100% capacity. Everyone deserves some level of grace; you would expect that from others and should allow for it as well.
- Prioritize You
Always make yourself a priority, and that will help others see you as a priority as well. Know your value and show others that you know what you deserve. This, in turn, will make the people you want to make you a priority know that you believe in yourself and are capable.
- Help You Find Forgiveness
It is important for us to forgive ourselves for mistakes we’ve made in the past and allow ourselves to heal. Sometimes we get up in arms about others not forgiving us, when truly they have moved on, and we are essentially projecting how we feel about ourselves onto them. Projecting anger, sadness, and regret onto others does not help you heal, and expecting to be healed by the words of others can be a complete letdown.
- Acknowledge You
Sometimes we berate ourselves either to be funny or because we are phishing for compliments. Don’t expect compliments from others to make you feel better about yourself. First, it won’t work because what you think of yourself can’t be changed by anyone but you. Second, if you don’t speak highly of yourself then why should others? Be your best advocate!
- Give You Undeserved Respect
If you want others to respect you, be sure you respect yourself too. This goes along with berating yourself —be your biggest fan and make sure everyone around you knows what you deserve. When you don’t respect who you are, you cannot expect others to feel like they should either. You and only you can set the standard of how you should be treated.
- Follow The Golden Rule
Unfortunately, not everybody in our lives is self-aware and realizes that they should treat others with the same respect as they receive. While it’s not okay to be disrespected or, at minimum, not be treated as well as you treat them, expecting that they will respect you is a recipe for disappointment. In these cases, learn to expect certain behaviors from certain people and or cut off those who mistreat you.
- Never Change
No one stays the same for long because we are continuously growing and hopefully bettering ourselves. Life has hiccups along the way, and these will change us as well. Expecting those in your life to be exactly who they were when you met them a year ago, or even months ago, is not realistic. Not only will they change, but so will you. Change is part of life, and the sooner we accept it, the easier our lives will be.
- Stay When They’re Ready to Let Go
There are people in life that we have to let go of. Sure, some stay in our lives forever, but many people will be transient. They are there to teach us something, help us grow, and for better or worse, shape us for some time. We can’t force people to stay when they no longer fit into our lives, nor do we fit in theirs. While this can be painful and hard to swallow, it is something we need to learn and accept.
Growth and Understanding is the Goal
There is so much we should expect of others, and ourselves, that deserve more of our energy and focus than the things we shouldn’t expect. When you channel that energy where it belongs you make greater strides towards success and happiness. Remember to be mindful of everything we went over above, reflect, and then focus on what matters.
Have you found yourself caught up in these types of expectations? Are there any expectations that we didn’t include that you’ve found hurt rather than benefit you? Let us know your thoughts! Make sure to share this with friends you know would benefit from letting go of negative expectations.
A Question Others Ask Themselves: Why Should We Not Expect Things from Others?
Until we throw out these impossible expectations of others, we will live in disappointment, anger, and regret. Once we can let the above go and move forward, we will find a sense of peace and wellbeing. Being careful and mindful of what we should and should not expect from people in our lives will lead to a much happier and more fulfilling life.
