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If you are looking for confirmation that it doesn’t matter what other people think about you, then it’s probably best to keep scrolling. It DOES matter what people think of you. It can influence your relationships, your future career, even your interactions with your neighbors. In the long run, having a good social standing has a positive impact on our lives. We have to consider how those within our social circles will view our behavior because that can make or break friendships, promotions, and favors from others.
Ultimately, however, your job is not to make everyone else happy. It’s vital to learn where to draw the line when worrying about what other people think. Many of our actions throughout the day are shaped by the way we think others perceive us. You choose an outfit based on what others in your office wear. You devote hours to lawn care so neighbors will admire your lush, green grass. Once you realize how little it truly matters what other people think in many situations, you gain a sense of freedom in completely allowing your own values to shape your behavior. Let’s look at 9 ways we can avoid worrying about what others think.
- Consider How Your Values Are Shaping Your Life And Let Them Guide Your Actions
Our actions are based on our values. The way you treat others, spend your time, and invest your money depends on what is most important to you. When you decide what those core values are, you don’t have to worry about what others think, because you know you’re focused on what matters to you. Carve out the time and mental space to decide what matters in your life. Is it having the opportunity to travel the world? Advancing in your career? Having a minimal impact on the Earth? Creating opportunities to help others in need? Investing in relationships with your family? Take ownership of those values.
Once you take ownership, take action. Put your focus on what matters to you. When you are mentally and emotionally invested in areas that matter to you, there’s a lot less room for worry about what others think. Spend your time doing things that matter to you, instead of trying to impress others. If you want to invest your money in travel, retirement, or hobbies, instead of trying to keep up with the Jones, take joy in those areas instead of worrying how others will see you. If your choices make you happy, don’t allow yourself those feelings of guilt or shame.
- Build Positive Relationships And Remove Toxic Relationships
Social media has a way of shaping our beliefs in ways we don’t even realize. In the words of Adrian Monk, “It’s a gift. And a curse.” I’ve devoted hours to scrolling through Instagram and Pinterest, admiring the beautiful homes of others, and ruminating on everything I want to change in my own home. I’ll walk into the living room and see twelve changes I wanted to make. The days I spend less time on my phone, I tend to love my home a whole lot more. I worry less about how other people see the old carpet and awkward shelving, and I enjoy the family photos we’ve chosen to display. Extended social media breaks help me appreciate my own home and life without constantly comparing and wondering how I measure up against others. That source of negative thoughts? Removed.
Unfortunately, people can easily become a source of negativity as well. It’s never the wrong time to stop and evaluate if others are adding value in your life. If someone is causing you to doubt your abilities or worth, stop to consider if you really need that person in your life. Sometimes that’s as easy as unfollowing or unfriending, sometimes it means severing a relationship with a toxic friend or family member. A relationship that brings you more anxiety than joy is not a relationship worth maintaining.
- Remember That Everyone Else Cares A Lot Less Than You Do
I once spilled coffee on my shirt on the way to work. When I arrived, I tried to rinse the stain in the bathroom sink, which only made it worse. I was so embarrassed and frustrated, I asked my husband to bring me a clean shirt to wear. Several coworkers made an observation that I changed shirts, but when they discovered why, not a single one had noticed the original coffee stain. Our insecurities matter a lot more to us than they do to anyone else.
Have you ever watched one of those scenes in a TV show where two friends are commiserating on the woes in their lives? They’re usually sitting at a bar, drowning their sorrows in tequila. Each one is so invested in their own problems, they don’t even hear the problems the other one is pouring out. Life is like that a lot. People care a lot less than we think they do because they are too busy being concerned with their own insecurities.
- Stop Working Toward Perfection And Focus On Growth
Millions of people have been to the ocean, laid on the beach, and walked through the waves. It’s relaxing, joy-inducing, and idyllic. Although people visit the ocean in masses, only three people have ever made it to the deepest part of the ocean, a place seven miles deep and so pressurized that it would dissolve our bones in an instant.
When we look at someone’s beautiful, idyllic life and envy the perfection they have, we forget that no one ever has it all together. We admire the outward perfection and tend to forget that behind the exterior facade, each person has their own issues seven miles deep that almost no one else gets to see. The perfection we see is an illusion because there’s not a single person alive who can completely avoid mistakes. Stop creating a yardstick with which you measure your failure against the success of others. Stop thinking that you’ll never be as put together as Linda or as successful as Steven. If you are taking steps toward the life you want to have, it doesn’t matter what those around you are accomplishing.
- Focus On The Opinions That Truly Matter
Recently on the radio, a host shared that the average person trusts just seven people. There is a wisdom in being selective of who to trust. First, you have to decide whose opinion actually matters. Many new parents have had the irritating experience of being given unsolicited advice from a stranger at the store. In these situations, you can worry about how this stranger perceives your parenting, or you can have confidence that you are doing the absolute best job as a parent. Choose wisely.
Second, consider the weight a person’s opinion holds based on the situation at hand. A person’s level of expertise and personal investment will always shape how they answer. You’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who won’t share their opinion, no matter how little they know about something. Remember that all opinions are not equal, and be careful who you ask.
- Retrain Your Brain
Most people know the Golden Rule— treat others the way you would want to be treated. It’s usually not a challenge to apply this to your own life. The struggle comes in reverse: treating yourself the same way you would treat others. It’s instinctive to oppose a friend who berates themself. We can almost always find something positive to say, no matter the situation. Yet when it comes to our own lives, our judgment is quick and cruel.
How many times a day do you make a choice (or even just consider a choice) and then wonder what other people will think? Most of the time, we consider how people will negatively view our choices. It’s time to retrain your brain. When you start to worry about what other people will think, follow that with another thought- does it truly matter what they think? When negative thoughts creep in and cause you to question yourself, pause. Why are you thinking that? Is it a legitimate concern? How can you shift your mindset? Assuming responsibility for your thoughts and feelings helps you to then mold them from something harmful to something helpful.
- Get Support From A Professional
You never have to work alone when it comes to managing your worries and stress. Even if you have an incredible network of family and friends who listen and offer advice, it can’t hurt to seek the help of a professional. Trained therapists and counselors can offer impartial feedback. Best of all, they can help you reshape your thinking so that you worry less about the opinions of others and return your focus to those core values that matter most. Don’t wait until the weight of others’ opinions feels like a burden you can never lift to consider attending therapy in-person or virtually.
- Stop People-Pleasing
Listen to this and listen well: It is NOT your job to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness.
Bernard Baruch is often credited with the infamous quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” When you accept that most people’s opinions don’t actually matter, you are able to focus on the opinions that do matter.
It’s healthy to want to do things that make others happy. It becomes unhealthy when you start sacrificing your energy and core values so that others will still like you. Is it worth having other people like you and not liking yourself anymore? You know the answer to that, whether you are ready to admit it or not. At the end of the day, someone is not going to like you. And you have to learn to live with that.
Don’t let the weight of other people’s opinions weigh you down and steal your joy. Find delight in your worth. Focus your attention on the things that matter to you. Finally, treat others with kindness. When your actions and attitudes toward others are consistently pleasant, you won’t need to worry as much about what other people think, because you know your actions are speaking for you. Comment below to let us know the first step you’re taking toward worrying less about what others think!
People Also ask:
Why do I care about what others think of me?
We constantly consider what others think about us because we want to stay in their good graces in order to develop and nurture our relationships with them. Our worrying about what others think of us stems from the fear that we may be bereft of friends or intimacy. In general, humans tend to overestimate how often others are thinking of us and how harshly they are judging us.
