It’s not that uncommon to be used by people given how selfish everyone has come to be these days. But it takes a toll on your self-esteem and mental health.
We often grow up with the habit of wanting validation for everything that we do. And since old habits die hard, a lot of us tend to carry this need for approval into our adulthood.
In the process of people-pleasing, we often make ourselves vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It can be increasingly stressful to live up to the standards you set for yourself and eventually, it can be detrimental to your mental and physical well-being.
Before it does more damage than you’re capable of handling, here are some ways to avoid being used by people.
Ways To Avoid Being Taken Advantage Of By Others
Start with Self-Prioritization
Mistreatment begins at a personal level. How other people treat you might be a reflection of how you treat yourself. Change the way you treat yourself and do it with more care and compassion.
- Start with positive affirmations
If you’re having a hard time treating yourself better, start at the root level and learn to praise yourself for the littlest things.
Which is to say, don’t underestimate the power of positive affirmations. Learn from how people that care about you treat you instead of people that mistreat you.
Dial-up your confidence by doing things you like, wearing what makes you feel good about yourself, and lastly, by being around people that make it easy to love yourself.
- Fake it ’til you make it
Not everyone is successful from the get-go, but it’s important to carry yourself with confidence either way.
Let go of your insecurities or at least learn to mask them in front of other people. Nobody has to know about your weaknesses if they can’t provide you the comfort you need.
Once start you acting confident on the outlook, you will eventually start feeling it too. And then you’ll no longer have to fake it.
- Acknowledge your stress
Stress is your body’s way of telling you that something isn’t okay. Instead of hiding from it and trying to ignore it, acknowledge this stress and use it to cope with the situation.
Your body is rising to a challenge by releasing hormones that help you fight a challenging situation, use it to fight your bully or manipulator instead of letting them manipulate you.
- Confide in others
If you feel like a situation isn’t up to you to handle, seek others for help.
If you have friends and family you can trust and confide in, do it. They can provide you the motivation you need to avoid being taken advantage of. Sometimes a pep talk is all that you need.
Change How You Respond
If you’ve been acting like a doormat till now, now is the time to stop. There might be something about your behavior that makes you an easy target for others.
Change how you respond to people, and it might change how they behave towards you.
- Learn to set boundaries
Everyone needs boundaries. The lack of them can encourage people to walk all over you.
Instead, set boundaries, and more importantly, don’t be afraid of declaring these boundaries loud and clear.
If someone is invading your safe space, let them know that you don’t appreciate it. Know how to demand it back. Let people know that they can’t just demand whatever they want from you, you have your limits too.
- Set limits to how far you’ll go
If you’ve been in the habit of people-pleasing for a while, it can be increasingly difficult to differentiate between things that you should and shouldn’t do for others.
This is why it’s important to set personal limits. What are some things that you are willing to do for others and what are other things that are completely not doable on your part?.
Be firm in setting these limits and try to not make exceptions for anyone.
- Avoid agreeing to everything immediately
A lot of people struggle with saying no immediately, an alternative to that is that ask for some to think about it instead. Stall saying yes to something you aren’t entirely sure about.
This gives you time to conjure up the courage to say no or say yes if you want to. At least this way you would have had time to think about it and you won’t be pressurized into agreeing to something you’re not comfortable with.
- It’s alright to say No
Most of the people that struggle with saying no, do it because they’re too nice or too kind to do so. But know this, you’re not a bad person for saying no to something you’re not 100% okay with doing.
Yes, there might be some hard feelings on the other side, but that’s okay- it doesn’t make you any less nice or kind or whatever.
- Use compassion to say no
You don’t always have to come across as rude or unkind when saying no, you can do it with empathy and compassion too!. Especially when it concerns loved ones or friends that aren’t necessarily bad people.
You need to let them know that yes you understand their struggle, but no, you’re not in a place to help them.
- Don’t be scared of the repercussions
Standing up for yourself won’t always be easy, most of the time it will involve courage and assertion that you might not have.
But don’t let it stop you from doing what’s important. It will be scary and there might be some fall-out but you can’t let that scare you into submission every time.
Realize That People Pleasing Isn’t Your Job
While it can be difficult to steer away from old habits. It’s important to realize that it isn’t your responsibility and it can’t be expected of you by default.
- Set your priorities
Ask yourself what’s more important to you? Is it going above and beyond for someone that might not even acknowledge it later or preserving your mental well-being at the risk of coming across as less people-pleasing?.
Knowing your priorities will help you make better decisions and steer you away from ones that just involve you being taken for granted.
- Decide what’s a no-go zone for you
Some things are just uncomfortable for some people, plain and simple as that. You need to make it clear that no, somethings you won’t do for anyone without exceptions.
If it triggers you or makes you unhappy for whatever reason, tell yourself that you will not do it no matter what.
- Start small
If you’re having trouble saying no to big things, start will small ones instead. Don’t pressurize yourself to deal with situations you’re not capable of handling yet, take baby steps instead.
Say no to making a call that you don’t want to make, or doing a chore you can’t do. Make an excuse if you need to, but let these small things give you the courage to finally say no to big things when the time comes.
- Know that things will eventually be okay
While it may seem difficult initially, things will be okay eventually. Yes, people won’t be happy when they realize they can’t just walk all over you but that’s all the more reason to stand up for yourself.
People that are worth having around with come around eventually, stop fretting it.
- Cut out the negative vibes
If you tried handling the situation responsibly but are still facing the backlash, it’s time to remove yourself from the situation and distance yourself from negative people.
If people are mistreating you just because they can’t take advantage of you, you don’t need them around. Yes, it won’t be easy, but do you really want to put yourself through the torment repeatedly?. Guess not.
- Realize that you can’t please everyone
In the end, it’s important to realize that it’s practically impossible for anyone to please everyone.
Everyone has an opinion on what they approve or disapprove of, and it can vary a lot. So if you try to please everyone, you’ll just stretch yourself thin but to no avail.
In the end, you’ll just be mentally and physically exhausted without achieving anything.
Finally,
This year, make a pledge to prioritize your well-being over everything else. I know that once you get used to the habit of people-pleasing, it’s hard to quit. But it has to be done, or you’ll just exhaust yourself to no avail.
Tell yourself that it doesn’t have to be sudden, just gradually and progressively learn to say no to things that make you uncomfortable and stand up yourself in situations that mentally weigh you down. Until you demand the amount of respect you deserve, you can’t expect others to give it to you.
In the end, it will all eventually work out and people will come around, you just need to take the first step and stop letting people use you. Become the person your future self will thank you for.
